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Thursday, July 1, 2021

Is Wedlock a bondage ! ... .. how long can people be bound together ??

Is wedlock a bondage !  ~ how long can people be bound together ?  .. .. .. . Viktoria 'Vika' Pustovitova, 29, and Alexander 'Sasha' Kudlay, 33, from Kharkiv in Ukraine, were bound together for 123 days !  ~  then what happened ? ! ?

 


நிலத்தினும் பெரிதே; வானினும் உயர்ந்தன்று;

நீரினும் ஆர் அளவின்றே- சாரல்

கருங் கோல் குறிஞ்சிப்பூக் கொண்டு,

பெருந்தேன் இழைக்கும் நாடனொடு நட்பே.

 

இது குறுந்தொகையில் இருந்து ஒரு பாடல்.    எட்டுத்தொகையில் உள்ள நூல்களுள் ஒன்று குறுந்தொகை.   தலைவனின் அன்பின் ஆழத்தையும் தலைவியின் நம்பிக்கையையும் எடுத்துரைக்கிறது இப்பாடல்.  இதன் அர்த்தம்  " மலைச்சாரலில் வளரக் கூடிய, கரிய கிளைகளையுடைய குறிஞ்சி மரத்தின் பூவிலிருந்து பெருமளவு தேன் உருவாகும் நாட்டைச் சேர்ந்தவனாகிய தலைவனிடம் நான் கொண்ட நட்பானது, இந்தப் புவியைக் காட்டிலும் பெரியது; வானை விடவும் உயர்ந்தது; கடலின் ஆழத்தை விடவும் அளத்தற்கரிய ஆழம் உடையது."  

Indian marriages are grand affairs  ~ in Tamil Nadu, it used to be for 3 or even a week’s affair – all relatives assembling on the grand occasion and being happy ! The Indian society of yore was different – lot was placed on family ties – there were ONLY  arranged marriages – people getting married at young age – mostly to unknown people, not having seen them even a day before the day of marriage, yet got married, led family life, had children and lived happily thereafter……………. Or at least lived together, till they were separated by death ! ~ there were not much of complaints !  

Still, queerly some would ask – how would one marry and immediately have family relations with a total stranger ! – the concept of meeting [not to think of living together] was sort of unheard of (say, 6 decades + ago !!)  

Graeme Craig Smith captained the Proteas efficiently and scored runs at will.   He succeeded Shaun Pollock after the 2003 Cricket World Cup and handed over the captaincy to AB de Villiers after the 2011 Cricket World Cup.  Smith married Irish singer Morgan Deane,  at Cape Town in Aug 2011 and had daughter and a boy.  News reports stated that Smith's wife 'found out he wanted a divorce when he accidentally sent her a text message meant for his lawyer'.  Smith allegedly told his wife that he was keen to make their marriage work; but  he accidentally ! sent her a text saying that he wanted a divorce.  It is thought that the text had been meant for his lawyer and sent in mistake  Couple announced their separation days later  shocking South Africa.  

Nobody wants broken marriages – at the same time once cannot deny the fact that they are on increase due to varied reasons.  You find and hear of them more frequently than ever before.  Understand that divorce in India is not an easy procedure. The entire process of divorce that starts from coping up with emotional ups and downs to contesting for the long awaited divorce decree for several months,  a tough affair to get through. Due to existence of diverse religious faiths in India, the Indian Judiciary has implemented laws separately for couples belonging to different religious beliefs.  Some state that mutual divorce can be filed only when they have lived apart for at least a year.  

Comparatively, people of modern age have choices, can explore, think, talk, discuss before marriage – check of various aspects of compatibility and yet we get to hear too many instances of people not happy, couples separating, unhappy family life and more.  A  generation earlier,  women were less likely to file for divorce even  in an unhappy or abusive marriage. Most were financially dependent on their spouse and feared the social stigma of divorce.  Today women are more likely to have careers of their own, are less financially dependent on their spouse and no longer fear the social stigma of divorce.  The % of couples seeking divorce has been going up – in a Society where still entering Court is looked upon as not so good and where there could be a sizable number living alone, having separated but not formalized in a Court of law.    

Viktoria 'Vika' Pustovitova, 29, and Alexander 'Sasha' Kudlay, 33, from Kharkiv in Ukraine, were bound together for 123 days. But as the chain was severed by giant cutters in Kiev, they couldn't wait to go their separate ways. 'I want to live my own independent life, and grow as an independent person,' announced Vika. She shouted 'Hurray' as they were freed from each other. 'I am finally free,' she said. 



The couple parted when their heavy-duty chain was cut at the same Unity monument in Kiev where they had been locked together.  The couple had planned to marry and were united in bonding but admitted that being so close with no space or privacy in the end cost them their relationship and their wedding plans.  Her now ex Alexander commented after the chain was cut: 'Thank you all for supporting us. 'Look, we are now at a distance from each other. 'We were happy, and we are now happy to have had this experience in our lives.' They were 'proud' of setting a record in Ukraine, they said. In their joint social media, he posted as they came to the end of their up-close-and-personal experiment: 'Difficulties are snowballing. 'As soon as we find one plus in a situation, immediately there are two minuses. 

'Vika wants to get back to the rhythm of her earlier life, she misses what she used to love to do. 'She doesn't respond well to my suggestions to keep doing what she likes to do alongside me.' He admitted he was fed up with being alongside her as she did her makeup. 'We are trying really hard not to escalate conflicts,' he said.  Perhaps the idea of locking together with chains was not great – there were practical difficulties and there had been the pain of togetherness caused by burns from the chain on their wrist  and another problem has been using public toilets when she takes him into the 'Ladies' which has not always gone down well. 

The record that the  couple spent 126 days shackled together may not serve any great purpose and may not be a great reminder to both of them is tragic. A month ago, Vika saw the writing on the wall, saying: 'We are a bit fed up with each other. It is complicated for me… I was nervous, am nervous and, probably, will continue to be nervous.  They had planned to wed but now this is cancelled.

Akexander was even able to get behind the wheel of a car despite his girlfriend being chained to his right hand, though he appeared driving  an automatic which would have helped make this easier.  Alexander has managed to work selling cars and car parts, with Viktoria accompanying him. They also hoped to make a fortune from their stunt but it is not yet clear how much money they have made. In the end, what big benefit is derived by this experiment that went horribly wrong – the  unchaining was supervised by Ukrainian records chief Vitaly Zorin.  Alexander was to say : 'Since this is Vika's first free evening, I'm going to introduce myself to her.' 

To many – these appear purposeless challenges – living life with purpose is the challenge.

 

With regards – S. Sampathkumar
18th June 2021 

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